Craig Kelly on Strictly: cringeworthy. Not sure why he looks so surprised at the judge's marks and comments. When Tess asked why he thought he was at the bottom of the leaderboard he uttered a genuinely bemused 'don't know'. Eh, maybe because you're shite? At least he achieved one thing with his rocky routine - he prompted Alesha 'good effort' Dixon to make a vaguely cutting remark.

Where's good old John Sergeant when you need him? There was a man who could take it on the double chin.

Next up The X Factor. Spice up your Saturday night with this drinking game. One drink if Simon refers to someone's performance as 'standing up in the real world'. One drink if Jamie 'Afro' summons the crowd. Two drinks if Louis smirks while defending Jedward and a drink every time Cheryl flashes Simon a death stare.